Go Ask Your Mom

When Christmas is less than a month away and your kids are “brow-beating” you to get them the latest designer clothes or that cool “X-Box 360” video game, what do you do? Yes, kids are great at advocating for themselves. Sometimes, you know it’s best to say no. But doing so often leads to a litany of rationalizations as to how come they should get the item they are vying for. Often, kids will pull out their trump card response: “but mom/dad said that I could!!” This tactic is known as “Splitting”. Kids are experts at doing this. So, what can I do to stop this from continuing?

1) Present a “United Front” i.e. tell your child “I’ll have to check with mom/dad 1st before I decide. This is not the drive thru @ Wendy’s.” Teaching your kids delayed gratification IS ok. Learning that they have to wait is not only a valuable lesson; it is a reality in life. It’s better for your kids to find this out sooner vs. later.

2) Validate their loss – real, perceived/other. This will help.   Acknowledging that their need is important shows them that you “get it” and then they’ll feel validated. This is huge & often when they realize this, their resistance will decrease.

3) Give your child two choices to reduce power struggles. Stick to only two choices: i.e. you can’t have Grand Theft Auto III (voice your reason – it’s too violent), but you can have Guitar Hero or Wii Tennis instead…what is your choice?? Acknowledge their response, but steer your child back to the choices you are ok with. It is effective IF you don’t back down or give in. Greg provides counseling for children, adolescents and adults.

Questions??? Call for a free brief consult or to schedule an appt. today @ 952-443-3970