Path of Least Resistance

Does this sound familiar? You come home from work and as soon as you walk through the door, your kids are right there. They are on you – sometimes commanding your attention. You are the entertainment director, doctor, and taxi driver to hockey, basketball, or soccer practice.  Yet, sometimes when you ask them to do something simple like setting the dinner table or taking out the trash or recycling – your request is met with a litany of excuses, complaining or both. You think to yourself “this isn’t worth it, I am better off doing this myself” — so you give in and they have won.

Their behavior has been reinforced. “If I raise my voice, whine, complain, etc. I can get out of” …fill in the blank. Establishing a healthy work ethic in your kids can be difficult, yet it is so worthwhile. Think about your teachers, coaches, professors that you respected growing up, didn’t they challenge you??

The answer is yes, although you perhaps didn’t like it much at the time. Maybe you rationalize that it’s a good choice because there is less stress, tension and conflict in your home.  Unfortunately, avoiding conflict leads to more frustration and resentment in the long run. Many kids/teens will act out – testing parents to find out where the limits really are. Trust me; you don’t want to go there.

What can I do to change patterns of behavior already in place?

1) Describe in detail and show them how you want the task done. Break down the task into sub-tasks if appropriate. Remember, by giving them clear instructions, they reduce the excuses they may have that the task was unclear.

2) When they whine & complain, be loving, yet firm. Don’t let them push your buttons.

3) Be patient!! This will take time and will pay off – eventually. Your job as a parent is NOT to win a popularity contest or to appear cool to your child’s friends, it is to incorporate autonomy and the confidence to be independent when they reach adulthood.

What if I tried these suggestions and it hasn’t worked?

Call 952-443-3970 for a free brief consultation or to schedule an appt. today.